Few days ago I nervously submitted my leave form application. 感觉这次好像没那么容易了，终于鼓起勇气，听你的话不要等到最后一分钟才做这种事。万一不approve, 怎么办，明明一口咬定12月一定会来的。我知道如果告诉你，你就会说不要紧，叫我别来啦。

I uses dental appointment as an excuse, cause I dont think another family vacation is convincing enough for them to approve. The staff looked at it and told me, maybe they'll approve since itsa dental appointment. maybe. Or maybe not. 等到今天，approve 了，在我预算之内，但也会是最后一次那么幸运可以拿这么久假期，3 weeks is impossible now unless I can find replacement for 2 consecutive weeks, which again, is kinda impossible. 想到这里，思绪很乱，万一明年拿不到假怎么办，后年怎么办，以后又怎么办，想到心里都乱七八糟。大不了辞职，full time freelance，then I need to get a PR, 就必须要开始 apply 了，cause it usually take months, 到时候就刚刚好可以把东西安排好然后走人。

Alright, not like 我走到了绝路。像你说，冷静想想，还是可以解决的。Im still learning not to throw tantrums like a baby whenever thing doesnt go my way. 想一想，我这一生其实还蛮幸运，大部分的事情都在我人生转折点都 went my way, 是时候换个角度想，it is only normal for things going against me, then I wont take it for granted.

今天我弄得你睡前不开心，你等我上完课，我video call 你时却去弹我的东西，我没意识到你想和我好好睡前聊天。你气炸了，但还是很有交代的应了我几句，而我在事后才察觉自己做错了。对不起，你每次都说你脾气不好，另身边的人不开心，但你也忘了，是我不会做，粗心大意，才令你有不爽的机会。


我前几天突发而想，觉得 since we are so far apart, 应该花点心思为你做些让你觉得浪漫的东西（other than endlessly thinking those technical future outcome)，like.....很传统的寄信给你，哈哈哈。I think you'd love that idea and it is a great past time whenever we think of each other, just write things down , 封起来，寄出去，超级令人期待。maybe once a week? I'll definitely do that soon, and you'll find out from my letter.  Even though I have this blog in December, but I know nothing beats my ugly handwritting on papers.


But but but, if you were to do the same(like you have time), 我会想到你在担心生活费不够的情况下又要花钱寄信给我，然后你又觉得是应该的，就让我却步，除非你给我你的bank account, 让我往里放100bucks, then I'll be 心安理得。你不会明白，我宁愿你不好意思，都不想你动用到你的钱，除非是你自己赚来的。 Grrrrrrrrrr.

Okay I feel better now.  :)